what is shoe goo

 

Shoe goo is a term used to describe an undefined substance that, according to urban folklore, is a marker of the apocalypse. The legend also claims that anyone touching shoe goo will become haunted by it's power and subject to all manner of evil deeds.Examples of these misdeeds include people eating their own shoes and leaking milk out their ears. It has been considered an omen for doom in the past, but some believe the legend has turned into a clever marketing scheme on behalf of shoe manufacturers or that there is simply no such thing as "shoe goo".What is the truth behind this legend? Is there really a substance that will make you devour your own shoes or spread milk out your ears? If it does exist, what is it made of and how does it act on people's feet to make them eat them? These are questions that we can attempt to answer in a rational manner.

 

Image source: https://www.newbalance.com/

First of all, shoe goo, as far as we know, has never been seen in real life. We cannot even confirm whether or not something like shoe goo actually exists; all we have is a legend. The way the legend goes, shoe goo has been around for hundreds of years - many people referred to it in the Bible itself. The Bible speaks of shoe-obsessed people who worshiped their feet and were afflicted by a mysterious madness. This was thought to be the first documented reference to shoe goo. If this is true, what we now call the "shoe goo legend" may date back much further than the present.Unfortunately for our investigation, we cannot confirm this at all. There are no records at all after the Middle Ages that speak of shoe worshippers or any other form of shoe worship, so it is possible that this story has been fabricated by overzealous lexicographers in order to bolster their shoe-obsessed pride or simply be an awesome filler sentence in the Bible. If this is the case, it would still be possible that shoe goo was created as a marketing ploy -- many stories involving products, whether they are true or not, are made up in order to sell them. After all, advertising is expensive so it pays to make up some convincing crap to persuade consumers who aren't that heavily into your product. 

 Image source: https://www.footlocker.com/

Of course we can't know for sure whether shoe goo really exists or not; we do however have records of people wanting and looking for it. Many early explorers went out of their way to find shoe goo and bring it back home with them. Captain James Cook, who visited the North American continent in 1778, was one of those explorers. After returning home, he wrote about "the soles of his feet being worn away by the earth and sand", and how "beetles had been attracted to his shoes." This could be evidence that shoe goo does in fact exist, or it could also be evidence that Cook was suffering from a severe case of cabin fever.

Beyond exploring the mysteries of shoe goo, we can also look at historical records and trace any possible influence it may have had on other events.